


The Day Without A Yesterday.

by UnimpairedDreams



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Depression, Existentialism, Gen, Psychologists & Psychiatrists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10923351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnimpairedDreams/pseuds/UnimpairedDreams
Summary: The human psyche has an amazing ability and willingness to blame everything on beings that are not ourselves and one of the most destructive human pastimes is playing the blame game.





	The Day Without A Yesterday.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [matilda_queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/matilda_queen/gifts), [campholmes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/campholmes/gifts).



> I started writing a short thing about depression. I ended up with a dissertation from Katya's point of view. I dedicate this to matilda_queen and campholmes because I love their work so much x

Brian McCook - Boston University Psychology Student - Psycology Course - Year 4 Dissertation 

 

_ Depression _

 

Has it ever popped into your mind that there was once a day without a yesterday, or in fact, that soon enough there will be a day lacking a tomorrow (although that latter is a tad more existential than one should have to think about over coffee). I happen to have spent most of my life thinking about such notions in a mental framework called ‘Depression’ – not a new phrase I’m sure but perhaps I can examine this with a more furtive detail and a more helping hand than my dear psychiatrist.

There has always been a tiny voice in my head telling me I’m not what I should be, it’s not a kind voice and it most certainly isn’t calming or caring or in any way nice but it is rigidly fixed to my conscience in a manner I would not be able to fix with a toothpick and some lipstick. I don’t enjoy the attention from my amygdala but until I find an effective antidepressant it looks like it will continue.  Anyway that wasn’t the point I was trying to make in this ramble of a dissertation – of which is on depression for my Boston University Psychology course -  In fact, I didn’t sit down with a point, it just so happens that I can write pretty well about the condition I have always suffered with. Like the day without a yesterday, I’m sure there was once a day without depression but I can’t remember that and so am going to assume it didn’t happen until further notice.

Now I like to blame this all on my amygdala – part of the limbic system (made up of grey matter) that controls pleasure, sorrow, fear, and sexual arousal – because I think that it’s a paramount part of psychology, the human ability to ignore the obvious and its love to blame our issues on things that cannot dispute but I will come back to that in a more organised paragraph. The amygdala is one of two almond-shaped nuclei situated deep within the temporal lobes of the brain and other than being associated with emotions, does little more than sit under the protective shell of the uncus and look pretty. I am of course joking because anyone who has seen one knows the amygdala does not look particularly pretty.

As aforementioned, the human psyche has an amazing ability and willingness to blame everything on beings that are not ourselves and one of the most destructive human pastimes is playing the blame game. It has been responsible for mass casualties of war, regrettable acts of road [rage](https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anger), and on a broad interpersonal level, a considerable amount of human frustration and unhappiness. The blame game consists of blaming another person for an event or state of affairs thought to be undesirable, and persisting in it instead of proactively making changes that ameliorate the situation. Overall we, as humanity hold for beliefs that solidify this game - If something has gone wrong then someone other than myself must be to blame for causing the situation, this then diminishes the respect he/she deserves as a person and so, it is permissible (and only fitting) to treat them in ways he/she deserves to be treated such as ignoring, name-calling, and in extreme cases, physical assault.

We see these three beliefs play out quite routinely in the mainstream of life. For example:

Someone is late to the family, holiday dinner and is treated by the host as a persona non grata for the remainder of the night—given the cold shoulder, given dirty looks, or even reprimanded before the other guests. A motorist goes down the wrong way in a parking lot and receives the middle finger from another motorist. A student fails an exam and subsequently becomes belligerent toward the teacher and makes nasty comments to other students about the teacher. A woman cheats on her husband and blames him for working too much. A manager does not get the promotion she wanted and blames her boss for being a “male chauvinist pig.” A straight man likes a drag queen and decides that she is a faggot for his attractions – rather than reassess his sexuality (This is one I have experienced and am also a man of homosexual nature but that does not diminish the cruelty or the man).

 It is unfortunate for all that we see the blame game as reasonable but our brains are programmed that way and so I shall continue to blame my amygdala for my depression in the same way that a straight man may choose to blame me for his attraction and his wife may blame him for her teaching and the motorist may blame her for his wrong turn. If that motorist blames his amygdala for his possible depression then haven’t we come in a sort of circle? And if so aren’t we all to blame?

I don’t know for I am not a scientist but I am a depressed psychology student and part-time drag queen so let’s discuss that rather than the large human missteps we each make every day.

Depression – why do people continue to believe it to be fake even when it’s plainly a condition which is cause for much concern in not only the psychology community but also less trivial fields like science, English and specifically poets? Okay – I lied – poetry is no less trivial than psychology but I believe I bring up a valid point. Why do people turn to poetry instead of a professional?

There is a theory called  ‘Sylvia Plath Syndrome’ in which it is brought to question – Are poets more susceptible to mental illnesses or is it because they're depressed that they write the poetry in the first place? It’s not an easy question to answer so let’s discuss it in two parts – One, Are poets more susceptible to mental illness? The answer, yes – American Health described poets as the ‘SAS of Depression’ and the second part, also yes. I don’t write poetry but my non-depressed best friend and drag queen extraordinaire does and she’s happy, I’ve often watched her write over pancakes and orange juice and she seems to get all her emotions out on paper so she can place the nice ones back in her head and forget about the rest – I do this in my art (both drag and painting) and whilst it works, even the end of a paintbrush cannot prise the thoughts out of my head.

I don’t think this is what they meant when they said a 1000+ word paper on a mental health condition but it’s over 1000 words and it’s about depression so I think I’ve done well and until my next dissertation this is my brain exercise. I hope my psychiatrist is proud.

So I beg you to think about the fact that, there was once a day without a yesterday and, in fact, there will be a day lacking a tomorrow. Welcome to the existential pits of hell.

 

_˂Good Job Brian, the whole speech was written with a range of vocabulary and if you sort out the conclusion you should have a good framework for your final dissertation.˃_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, My Instagram is @i_volunteer_to_forget if you want to chat x


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